Modern Relationships Edition: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Admit it or not, we put our friends, families, and co-workers in “silos”
My girlfriend is a good person, she’d never get in a fight!
My husband doesn’t care for me, he’s a bad man.
The world is an ugly place to live in, I hate it.
Such classifications save us mental energy; silos help us cluster people into categories, but people are not meant to be defined by ‘silo’ words
I too used to think people are either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ before a series of events changed that.
See, people are not good, bad, or ugly.
We are humans.
We are capable of each of the three virtues.
We are the prime example of “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly”
How did I learn this? Well, there was this girl …
The Epiphany: But She Likes To Help People!
Long ago I met a girl. Breathtaking looks. Every boy’s favorite. A heart-throb.
She liked to help people, cared, and I thought she was a good person (not so much I thought but I saw)
Until one day I overheard her bitching.
Holy hell.
She put up a good act. A front. The good front.
In reality, she was a bit insecure, but instead of owning it she tried to hide her ugliness from the world, and that made her the most negative yet addictive person I ever met.
Long story short I wasted too much attention and effort chasing this girl, and ended up with nothing but tears.
The Discourse: Why Silos Are Not Effective Yet We Like To Use Them
Let’s take the example of the girl — why did I think she was good? Why did I put her in the good silo?
Because she looked good.
And after that, her every action, every word, every glance was good, of care, of composure.
I put the lens of ‘good’ over my perfectly fine eyes and it created problems.
I oversaw the bad, her toxic parts. It hurt. And not because she was a human being with both good and bad parts, but because I was in a dilemma.
If this person is a ‘good’ person, why would they talk like that to me? Why would they hurt me? Why would they say mean things behind my back?
The thing was — I loved her good parts (beauty). And it led me to a trap called ‘Cognitive Dissonance’. I would have saved myself the hurt if I knew its definition …
Cognitive Dissonance: The Based Brain
Cognitive Dissonance is a psychological phenomenon where your brain tends to stand by one-view point, and when an opposing viewpoint is given (along with evidence) it causes you pain.
In simple terms — You will feel psychological pain when you’re given information/evidence against your beliefs.
Again, — I believed the girl was good. I was gaga over her.
When she showed negativity and a pessimistic worldview, I overlooked it. Simply because accepting her negative nature would mean he wasn’t as good as I thought her be.
But she was beautiful. My attraction to her blinded me.
I rationalized — “She must be having a bad day” even though most of her days were ‘bad, pessimistic’ days.
I could’ve saved myself tons of hurt if I just understood that “The Good, Bad, And Ugly” wasn’t just a title of a movie.
It’s the truth of life.
The Good, The Bad & Ugly Indicates True Human Nature
The good truth is: everyone is capable of good.
The bad truth is: everyone is capable of bad.
The ugly truth is: we live in a world where both have to coexist.
If there is good, there is bad.
A gym goer loves eating chocolate after dinner.
A helpful person doesn’t enjoy helping gay people.
A social worker at an NGO teaches children in the day, watches porn at night.
The Good & The Bad exist everywhere.
There would simply be no good if there was no bad.
And so, you must approach each person, not with clouded judgment but with a sound mind of rationality — the good and the bad can exist in the same person.
Cherish their good parts and ignore their bad parts as best you can.
